My Eating Disorder

SO:


One thing I have learned over the past several months is that eating disorders are MUCH more complicated than they appear. Anyone who has ever experienced any ED knows this is true, but even others, who simply have observed or witnessed friends/family/acquaintances/strangers with eating disorders, the world of ED is much more complicated than one might think. Most people believe eating disorders fall into two categories: Anorexia and Bulimia. These two categories only begin to touch on the mass variety and intensity of the types of ED people suffer from, men and women alike.


My eating disorder falls under the category of a binge-restrict cycle, which is similar to that of a bulimic, who follows a binge-purge cycle. My current diet, as it stands, involves consuming anywhere from 900-1,200 calories a day, which is more than the average anorexic and less than the average healthy dieter. This pattern is counterbalanced by binging sessions, where I consume foods I would never allow myself to eat otherwise. While I have attempted to purge twice already (more on this to come), the food from my binges stays in me, and usually accounts for my fluctuating, though descending weight. Some of my ED symptoms also include:


*collecting hundreds of "thinspo" images, images of morbidly obese overweight people, images of the calorie count in high-caloric, high fat foods, and images of disgusting, un-appetising dishes
*obsessively weighing myself multiple times a day
*obsessively calculating and logging calories
*obsessively measuring and weighing food
*obsessively calculating my BMI, and comparing them to other's BMI
*uncontrollable binging sessions, followed by periods of serious guilt/self-loathing


I am writing all of this down, because it means I need to begin focusing on and recognizing that these disorders are dangerous, unhealthy, and are rapidly moving out of my control. I need to begin to take back my life and my eating, and feel like I have more control over my body and staying healthy.